my life as a crocheter & knitter & working mom

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

with the effing potty training again

It dawned on Hubby this morning that we have one weekend* to get B trained so that he's not "held back" again by the stupid daycare with the stupid, arbitrary potty guidelines. Seems Hubby doesn't want B with the 2s again. I, too, would like B with his peers, but I don't think the new "Teacher" is going to do something magical to make sure he gets into Harvard.

Now, he's saying we should cancel my birthday trip down the shore and the trip to VT for my sister's birthday party over Labor Day Weekend. So we can focus on intensive potty training (almost his exact words).

What in the hell are we supposed to do?

B's not telling us when he has to pee. I don't know why he's not telling us. He likes to pee on the potty because we sing silly songs and give him stickers. He knows if he poops in the potty he gets a new train and if he pees in the potty everytime for a couple of days he'll get the other new train. He'll parrot the whole thing at you, and will add "no more pee in pull-ups."

But he doesn't tell us. I can't read his mind. And our sitting him on the potty at intervals to keep his pull-up dry isn't the point. He needs to be able to know when he has to pee and either alert an adult to help him or be able to go do it all by himself.

I'm at the point of giving up and saying he'll do it when he does it, but there's all this pressure (see above) that isn't going to let me let B's maturation take its own course. I don't like what this situation is doing to me and to my relationship with my son. I don't like that it makes me want to curse out my husband and any other person who tells me my son is behind. I don't like that I can't think about anything else. And I'm sure all the focus and pressure we're putting on the situation is not helping B in the least!

*We have one weekend because my sister is visiting the weekend of the 10th, we'd planned to go down the shore the weekend of the 24th, and we plan to be in VT Labor Day weekend. I guess the weekend of the 17th is out since Hubby's got Yankee tickets the 18th and we're going with his dad the 19th. Since the new "school year" starts right after Labor Day, that's our deadline.


Breanna S. said...

I have been reading about your potty problem for a while and I think that I may be able to help I am a Parent Educator with Parents as Teachers and I have many ideas up my sleeve. One thing that I would recomend you do is get rid of the pull ups and start using training pants (the old fashioned kind) or big boy undies. Pull ups in general are just like diapers and children just learning to use the potty forget that they are not supposed to use them because the feel just like a diaper. You may find that after a few wet and uncomfortable accidens that B begins to pay more attention to when he has to go potty. Also don't rule out that he may just not be ready yet. Many boys develope complete urination control much later than girls. If you have any other questions you are welcome to e-mail me at teach love read at hotmail dot com. I hope that I am not being too pushy. I went throught the same thing with my son before preschool when he was 3. Good Luck

Rae said...

I would say if DH wants intensive training, then he'll have to give up the pull ups, and DH will have to do all the laundry. ;) I'm serious.

There was an interesting article in the times recently about parents voluntarily holding their kids back a year to give them an academic leg up. While the parent's motivation isn't altruistic (these parents want their kids to outperform the other kids, so they pair them with younger, less experienced kids), some studies have shown that the held-back kids do well. They really excel.

{{HUGS}} Hang in there.

thordora said...

Is it really excelling if you're the older kid in the class technically? I've never really understood that concept....

What might happen is that peer pressure might help-if he's left with the littles, and is told that he can't join the big kids until he can go potty, it might spur him on (it also might not)

He's either not ready, or just isn't doing it. The right motivation might help.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I've been reading about the potty struggles for awhile and can totally relate. I've got a 3+ (bday in May) boy who is just now getting it, but only if I go in with him, only on his little potty (or backyard), and certainly not in a public bathroom. Short trips away from home, that's for sure. And he absolutely refuses to sit there if he doesn't have to go. Once I figured that out, we were in better shape. Anyway, some thoughts. Well, one thought. If it goes in them or comes out of them, you can't control it. Bear with my thoughts, I'm not intending to be rude or judgy. Like I said, I can totally relate. I've been waiting for my boy to get it for a year. Last summer he used the potty just fine, until it was my idea. Then it was absolute refusal. It wasn't an issue of not knowing, it was simply refusing to. So, anyway, cruise back over lots of your recent entries, and it's filled with potty stuff. This is high stakes stuff for this kid, and, like you said, it's starting to interfere with your relationship with him. What about just letting go of it for awhile? I don't know the ins and outs of the daycare situation, but what if he just didn't have to worry about this for awhile. He could decide from day to day what he was going to wear, underwear, diapers, etc. and when he's ready to make the shift he will. This way he gets some control back, you get to just enjoy your boy and not fight with him over this, and life goes on. In knitting language, instead of casting on for multiple projects trying to make yarn fit into something it won't, leave it out and eventually the right pattern will turn up. Also, if he does have a UTI, no wonder he's having potty problems. But, I would bet it's bigger than that. Anyway, good luck to you.