it's called comfort food for a reason

Yesterday afternoon, Hubby and I took Billy for a speech evaluation. I had discussed his speech with his pediatrician at his 4-yr check-up. She gave us a referral, but I came away thinking she'd suggested we wait until he started school and then it would be free. As he continued to improve in his speaking, we decided to not have him evaluated. Big mistake. The pediatrician came down hard on me at his 5-yr evaluation stating that waiting would mean he'd be put in special classes and be held back from where he should be. She gave us another referral. Hubby made an appointment and we went last night.

He doesn't have any speech impediments, other than a slight lisp that the speech language pathologist didn't seem worried about. She does see a language delay. She sees that he's not using language properly, that he doesn't understand the forms of language.

He couldn’t answer a lot of her questions (when she asked what one word describes this group of things in the picture, he’d list the things), didn’t complete sentences properly (when she said john is a boy, chris is a boy, they are both , and he’d say something like friends) and couldn’t re-tell a story about a picture she just told him but went off on his own wacky tangents among other things. She gave him a vocab test and he seemed to do pretty well. She said he probably just needs to have the building blocks spelled out for him. She suggested we call the school district and ask if they will evaluate and provide services before he’s enrolled. I think I’ll wait for her report to arrive in about a week. It will have the official diagnosis (or whatever you call it) along with recommendations for treatment (in case she's not providing the therapy).

I do realize now that he doesn't talk like a lot of kids his age. He doesn't talk about his day. He doesn't ask us a lot of questions about why and how that you usually hear. He doesn't stay engaged in a conversation. He makes things up (he got stung by a bee once, which isn't true), but doesn't really tell stories. He's totally non sequitor boy during the children's message at church.

The SLP gave me the sense that it's a very workable problem. And, strangely, Hubby hasn't freaked out at all. I was fine last night. I talked with my parents (they have some experience with this since one of my sisters had some serious speech impediments, they had to teach how to say the r sound as well as some others, and some reading delays) and did express soem of my underlying concerns about what this means for his learning abilities and whether or not it could go back to his birth (14 hours of episodes of dropping heartbeat and not breathing well on his own which resolved pretty quickly). I did tell the SLP about his early history with ear infections and she felt that was valuable information. Perhaps he just needs help catching up from a slow start. I don't know how far behind he is (maybe that will be in the report).

The problem is, I googled. I know, I shouldn't have. Now, I'm worried about underlying disabilities and future learning issues as well as chastising myself for being a bad parent for not recognizing sooner that he does have a real problem and for obviously doing something wrong so that my kid's not perfect.

I had a little breakdown, e-mailed my sister for some help, had a big, unhealthy lunch and chatted with a work friend who's also a mom. I feel better. E-mailing my sister helps. She's taken some education classes and she's just really grounded (it's because she's a hippie). She helped me find my rational mind and I wrote this:

I agree that too often we try to have kids be homogenous and label and box people to ridiculous levels. And it’s possible he’s just not going to be a chatty person (there’s some of that in the family). But, it was disconcerting to see him not be able to know what she was asking for and not be able to answer the questions. He’s very big on things being boring lately (he told me this morning that last night he didn’t sleep well because sleep is boring [in response to my sister's suggestion that maybe he didn't want to answer some of the questions]). Maybe he is just different and people will have to learn to deal with that. I just want to make sure he’s got all the tools he’s going to need to be whatever it is he wants to be.

I think that's all any parent should try to do, give their kids the tools to be successful in the life the kid chooses (that part's really important).

One other thing I learned, I need to eat more bacon cheeseburgers and chocolate. That's my idea of comfort food!

Happy Fifth Birthday

Billy turns five today.

A few days old.



One year
Two

Three

Four

And five.

It's such a cliche, but time does go too fast.

36 and 1

I turned 36 at 4:04 this morning. I'm a bit bummed to be at work and I want to just yell at everybody to leave me alone cuz it's my birthday and I shouldn't even have to be at work, but the rest of the management team is either on week two of a three week vacation, in India on business, or driving their daughter back to college.

It makes me sad that the specialness of birthdays wears off when you're between being really young and having all those great milestones and getting really old when it's a feat to still be around. I was conflicted about birthdays before that anyway. I have two younger sisters and our birthdays fall within one month of each other, mine being smack dab in the middle (two weeks and two days after one and two weeks and one day before the other).

But, I get to have lobster for dinner tonight and I'm ordering dessert, and I don't care if Hubby tells the waitress and they embarass the crap out of me. B will get a kick out of it.

Hubby gave me a lovely gold bracelet to replace one he'd given me years ago that is now a kinked mess. B also gave me a lovely bracelet earlier in the week. I call it my topography bracelet because it's all letters and numbers. (I wore it to work today.)

I finished the first seeing stones sock last night. I cast on for number two this morning. I think I need to make them a bit longer than this. My toes do not like being squished at all.

reaching the toe

My re-boot of my seeing stones picots is at the toe shaping. Of course, I got my replacement Harmony needle in the mail yesterday. If I'd put off re-starting, I wouldn't be having floppy socks. Oh well, I'll use the new harmony for my Thimbleberries yarn. I got the superwash. It's very pretty and will be my next pair. I'm going to swatch it to see if it will take a pattern.

We had a good weekend at the shore. B is getting braver and braver in the ocean. Yesterday, he let me sit him down so the waves could crash on his shoulders.

We did have a little meltdown about B's not eating dinner Sunday that lead to no boardwalk rides and an early bedtime. However, we had excellent cooperation yesterday, so we did do rides after lunch before we left. There was little to no carrying on as we drove away, too. A big change from last time when we had miles of tears. I'm sure the lollipop had nothing to do with it.

pleasant surprise tinged with regret

When I got home from my workout at the "gym" last night (I have to use quotes, it's one of those 30 minute circuit training places and I can't call it a gym with a straight face, I should just call it exercise like B), Hubby had B upstairs, bathed, in his PJs and they were finishing up book reading. Usually, I'm happy to have finished dinner and gotten him upstairs by that time (7 pm). Hubby plopped him in front of Bart and Lisa and I ate my take home salad. When I was done, I joined be on our bed and then finished the bedtime routine. He was in bed an half hour early.

I really had to beat down some ungrateful feelings about the whole thing. Hubby wasn't comfortable with a lot of the childcare when Billy was an infant, so I did the vast majority. No without resentment at times. Now that Billy's older, Hubby's a lot more comfortable with handling the childcare and as he takes on more responsibility, I'm having a hard time relaxing and enjoying my free time. Instead of feeling usurped and unnecessary last night, I should have relaxed and enjoyed my meal.

My head, such a mixed up place.

Of course, now I'm thinking I should make Tuesdays a regular exercise night. Hubby can take care of B like last night, but he can also finish the bedtime routine and I can go join the Union County Knitters group from Ravelry!

feeling better

I felt better after working out last night, then I finished off the second sleeve to M-i-L's Ariann. Body joining to commence tonight, if I don't work on my tunic that needs altering. B made me a picture last night. He and Hubby had dinner at a diner while I was working out. Hubby drew the heart. The rest is all B. I've got it hanging on my wall. Dude's been a bit moody since we've been back from the Shore.

busy, busy, busy

My what a weekend. It started with a BBQ at our pastor's house Friday night and ended with me solo-parenting and cooking last night. Saturday was nuts. We were up early since B and I had 8 am dentist appointments. He was a little freaked out by the request that we sit with different hygenists ate the same time. Worked out that I could hold him on my lap (a bit of a regression there) and then have my cleaning. Next appointments are set to be consecutive with me first. After that, Hubby and B dropped me off at the house so they could get some groceries while I went to the gym. While I was still at the gym, they took Molly to the vet (B had to keep practicing the "vee" sound, he first called it the wet). They were still there when I got home and changed for the pool. While I waited for them I packed the pool bag. They got home and changed and we went to the pool for a couple of hours, came home and put B down for a nap. Then, I cleaned off the guestroom bed. Five months of clean laundry finally put away (not counting the four loads Huby did that day). I woke B up from his nap and Hubby went out to mow the lawn. While I was listening to B play and deciding when exactly to start dinner, the power went out. At first I thought the air conditioner in the living room was just cycling weird, but then I noticed the light was out on the answering machine and checked the clocks in the kitchen as well. Hubby came in shortly after that because a neighbor asked if our lights were out. I hadn't worried too much about it, since we have a gas stove, I could still cook dinner. Hubby decided not to cook with the air off and we went out to dinner. Must have been a very small outage: the traffic light at the end of the street was still working. We debated going to a movie, but I didn't want B up late a second night. We came home and put him to bed. Sunday, it was church for me and B after dropping Hubby off at the train station. He want the MLB Futures Game/Celebrity softball game that's part of All-star weekend. After church B and I went to Target, Wal-Mart and Barefoot shoes to look for a new pair of swimmies for him. No luck, just lots of sweating. We went home and I ran into the house to get his old pair and we went to the pool (I'd worn my suit under my clothes and had B's packed in the car). Lunch there and then home for nap. While B slept, I worked on my apron, took the dog out, and did some sewing research online (Burda size charts and how to add a pocket to a pattern that doesn't have them). Got B up at five and made dinner, all the while he was whining about my not being able to play with him. Set him up with a couple of on-demand TV shows and finished cooking. We ate, he had a bath, and our regular routine. Hubby got home just in time for good nights. Then I finished loading the dishwasher and called my mom and dad. Whew.

For reading that, you get pictures of a sleeve that's still not done yet. (My apron's still not done either, I just have to finish sewing down the seam binding on the necklilne.)

once I was a flying buttress

I've got a new necklace. It's the most precious thing ever.

Billy made it at camp yesterday. He wore until bedtime. I asked if I could wear it today. He says it's a rainbow. Wearing it, I can forget how many times the last couple of days he's told me he doesn't like me.


Here's a close-up of the fishie charm.

musing

I did not play solitaire all the way home. I knit on Ariann's sleeve. I did not just lie around after B went to bed. I knit on Ariann's sleeve. I also ripped out a couple of inches because I missed one-half of a set of increases. I hope to be casting on sleeve two tomorrow.

Over heard this morning while Billy was playing with his trains, he's got Gordon talking to Henry: I went to 'Mont this week. I played with Nanny's trains, and I rode on it.

Really cute. He's been asking Hubby repeatedly if he can go to the condo. M-i-L and F-i-L are going down this weekend, so no. Although, he'd have a good time with them.... But, we have dentist appointments Saturday morning. We do need to plan a trip down this month. Maybe the weekend of the 25th.

I'm planning my next knits, all for me: Air in black calmer, go with the flow from Inspired Cable Knits in denim, a ballband bath mat. Air will need to be re-sized and I'm sure I'll have to tinker with the Flow pattern. I'm not decided on whether to do just one large ballband to make the mat or to do a group of them and sew them together.

harmony disrupted

Last night on the train, I pulled out my long-neglected sock project and three stitches in, I snapped my harmony circ.

Hubby was surprised I didn't have a replacement on me. I need to measure this one and write to Knit Picks (and see if I have a metal in the same size so I can work on these socks).

Commute knitting's been curtailed a bit. I'm addicted to solitaire on the ipod. I have scrabble, too.

I brought Sleeve #1 of Ariann with me today. I'm making slow progress. I just haven't been knitting much.

On the trips to and from VT this weekend, I mostly napped. I know, not terribly obsessive of me. But man, the sofa bed at my grandmother's is really uncomfortable.

We had a good weekend. The weather was perfect.

B was his typical self. All day Saturday he was very anxious about the fireworks, which we kept trying to not mention, so much so that when we finally got to my grandfather's house, he decided to sit inside. Hubby and I decided to take him home. He wasn't going to sit through the fireworks and there was no point keeping him up that late if he was going to be miserable. So, we went back to my dad's parents' house to put him to bed. As I was taking him out of the car, he said "I see fireworks tomorrow."

That was a little annoying. Especially since my dad made the 40 minute ride to his father-in-law's because we went. I felt so guilty that Dad set himself up for so much pain and discomfort and the rat didn't even stay outside with him and everyone else and we missed the fireworks.

where have I been?

Having some summer fun (particularly proud of my dude for going into the ocean), finishing a couple of things, working, you know, the usual. I just haven't felt compelled to blog. I'm going to try to be around a bit more. If I'm not going to post, I should at least leave some comments.

This little BSJ was gifted to a mommy-to-be the other day. She was really pleased. I hope baby likes it, too.

overheard this morning

"Baby brother can't stand my stool."

Well, dude, since you don't have a baby brother, no he can't stand on your stool.

the last few days

I've been diligently knitting on BSJ #2. I'm two rows from the buttonholes, which means I'll be casting of for BSJ #3 soon. I'm going to knit BSJs until I run out of Knit Picks Shine Sport in these four colors (bought last year for the crochet baby blanket).

I still haven't finished the shamrock socks. Just the heel to go on the second one. Maybe tonight. I think I've started it. If I were less lazy, I'd go look in my purse.

In other news, I've made my son a bit of a fusspot, although that's not quite the right word. Last night after dinner, he wanted to help me get his bedtime snack together. I thought he had to pee, but he kept saying no. After we finished making his chocolate milk, I said okay, let's go potty. But, he'd reached the point of not being able to hold it anymore. I didn't get upset. I just told him to go up to the bathroom and get undressed for his bath. I was a bit brusque when he didn't move, but I told him over and over that I wasn't made and there was no reason to be upset. Then in the bath, he tells me he has to poop. So, he gets out and puts his SpongeBob potty seat on the toilet (I don't know why he still insists on this at home, he doesn't use one anywhere else) and doesn't quite make it all the way before he has a touch of diarrhea. Poor guy. He was kept saying over and over "I pooped on my potty seat." I explained it was fine and went about wiping up and I really don't think I reacted at all. Then, this morning, Molly spilled his chocolate milk (he's on a bit of a binge) while trying to eat his bagel. Hubby and I did a pretty good job of not reacting (although Hubby did try to have a teaching moment about keeping cups away from the edge of the table). He had a fit. At one point he screamed at her "look what you did."

That was a dagger right to my heart.

That was me coming out of his mouth.

Long story short, I made him this way.

How do I fix it?

The Echoing Green

I'm getting lame. Going to Poet's corner for my post titles. But, it is national poetry month. I'm not familiar with this one by William Blake. I wonder what my old 18th century lit prof would have thought of this one. He always said one should read "The Lamb" sarcastically, because really, Blake was not that simple.

Shamrock sock 2 is half-way between heel and toe. I'm nearly done the 22 sets of decreases for the BSJ (I think it's 22).

I'd really rather not be here today. There's some ongoing stuff I have to deal with as the manager of this group and that make me want to be a peon. I just don't want to deal.

We had a somewhat difficult morning. B was slow getting out of bed, but pretty cooperative until time to put on a coat and go. He wanted a coat, he didn't know which coat, he said he didn't want a coat, I lost my mind. Seriously, hubby was going to bring every B coat he could find to the car with him. Of course, it's currently 73 degrees F, so why does he need a coat? He wouldn't leave without one. We went through the same thing last Spring. Then the buses were all messed up (even the dispatcher and driver agreed to that) and then the subways were delayed and I was an hour late. Day's getting better, though.

anxiety

I have been a ball of anxiety the last couple of weeks and it just keeps getting worse. I know that once I get past tomorrow's trip and I'm in VT with my son and husband and family, I'll be better. But right now, I've got no perspective.

I don't think I've mentioned it, but I have to go to Pittsburgh tomorrow on short notice (they told two weeks ago) to meet with a PITA client. I didn't have a problem with the short notice and all, but the meeting is from 6:30 to 10:30 pm. I'm supposed to be in the car with B and Hubby Friday morning to drive to VT. Hubby says, just stay over and fly to VT from Pittsburgh and B and I will drive alone. Okay, so now I'm not anxious about the PITA client, I'm worried about hubby and B driving alone. Mainly because I'm worried B will be a PITA and hubby will be angry. I'm not worried about hubby making the drive. And then the PITA client needs to see us for a pre-meeting tomorrow at 11 am, so I get to leave my house before B is awake tomorrow and then have hours to kill between meetings (I'm taking the laptop to try to get work done). Did I mention that I have to change planes in Philly and only have 40 minutes between flights?

Then there's other work crap going on (underperforming employees, things I keep letting slip off my radar) and I'm just a wreck.

I know everything will be okay once I get through tomorrow and I'm meeting my sister in the airport in Burlington on Friday.

Strange thing last night, I didn't think I'd be able to fall asleep but as I was lying there I was infused by a sense of calm and well-being. I'm not sure how it got there, but I sure wish it would come back.

Tonight, I'm going to try to just enjoy my evening with B and pack after he goes to bed and try to just relax.

Unless, of course, another shoe drops between now and then.

knitting and thinking

We've been sick. I took B's temp Wednesday and he was normal; I took mine and it was high (100 in one ear and 101.1 in the other). Like an idiot I thought, I don't feel bad so I'll go to work. An hour later I was at my desk near tears being told that I didn't look good. I went home, went to bed for 5-6 hours and felt fine afterwards. Thursday we all went to work/school. As I was leaving work (in the elevator actually) I got a call from daycare. B had a temp of 101.8 and someone was going to have to pick him. F-i-L did that duty and I stayed home. Plenty of fluids later and we all seem to be okay. B was okay in time to go to our neighbor's daughter's 5th birthday party yesterday. He was totally stoked that it was at her gymnastics school. He's even cleared up in the snot and cough categories. Thankfully, he was sounding a little ragged from Thursday on. Phew, I hope that's the worst of it for this winter.

I am tired. B woke up at 3:30 this morning; he'd been dreaming about the garbage trucks again. I laid in his bed with him (it doesn't work if I take him into our bed, we tried that yesterday morning when he was awake at 6) and dozed off. I woke up just in time to go back to my bed and hit the snooze button. Fortunately, B's bad dreams are about loud garbage trucks and airplanes (we live 15 minutes from Newark Airport and have lots of planes overhead, sometimes way too low). I like these as scary entities; much easier to deal with than monsters.

M-i-L and F-i-L came over for our annual corned beef and cabbage (coleslaw not the boiled kind) dinner. They brought B a gift. She said they just couldn't come empty-handed. I pointed out that she took Tuesday off to stay with B and F-i-L had picked him up on Thursday, the least we could do was give them dinner!

So, I haven't done too much knitting. I did start the sleeves on F-i-L's b-day sweater. Must get knitting, I have less than a week!

knock knock

B's sick-ish. He's got stuffy/runny nose and a wee cough and a fever (100 yesterday morning). He stayed home with Hubby yesterday and M-i-L stayed with him today (I have a couple of meetings today with out of towners). If he still has a fever tonight (M-i-L's not sure she's doing the infra-red ear thermometer right), I'll be home with him tomorrow. When I called to check on him this morning, he was jumping on the couch. I don't think he feels terribly sick.

He's trying to tell jokes. His knock-knock joke:

B: "Knock, knock."

You (or me, or whoever): "Who's there?"

B: "Apple pie."

Y: "Apple pie who?"

B: "Mommy (or Daddy or Molly, just a random name each time)." Giggling by B, head scratching by you the recipient of his wit.

Our trip to AC was fun. Hubby lost lots of money, I lost a little bit. The weather was pretty wicked. When it wasn't pouring rain, it looked like this. Hubby walked out of our motel room Saturday morning and asked if we were back in Scotland. I spent part of Saturday in our room working on F-i-L's sweater. I finished up the left front Sunday night and cast on for the right front. This is what it looked like yesterday. I'm at the point where I should be starting the v-neck shaping today. I'd love to have the fronts done today.

$50 gets you free shipping

I'm debating placing an order with KnitPicks for a 47" cable to assist in the button band when I get there. Actually, I know I'm going to order the cable and two US #1 harmony needles; I'm really debating bumping the order over $50 to get the free shipping. Eh, it's only $3 for the shipping on the needles I want and I can't justify ordering more yarn or a pattern book when I'm not using patterns so much lately.

So, I think I've decided to go with a set-in sleeve. Which is good, because I've reached the point of armhole bind off on the back. Boy, that sure looks orange. I had to use the flash, though. Every pic I took without flash was way too blurry. Boy, the flash sure picks up the nubs of the tweed and Molly's fur!

Poor B had a scare this morning. I think it was a nightmare induced by the traffic on the street behind us. I was getting out of the shower and he yelled "Mommy, I love you too." (lately, he's been adding the"too" even if he says it first) So, I told him I loved him. It was weird because he's usually still asleep when I get out of the shower and he generally doesn't talk to us when he wakes up unless he needs to potty. He sings and chatters, but not directed to me or Hubby. Then he said that he was scared by the horn and asked if he could get up. So he spent the time Hubby and I usually cuddle watching the news chattering at us while we tried to watch the news. He was in fine spirits afterwards. He didn't share too many details about the horn except that it was yellow. He did say when asked, that it was from a truck. I hate that he's having bad dreams.

even more picots

I'd say I'm in a rut, but there's nothing boring about these socks. When I first dyed this yarn, I called it orange crush, but when I cast-on for them last week in SC, I realized Flamingo was more like it (actually with a touch more red, they'd be scarlet ibises). So these are my flamingo picots. Pic was taken yesterday, sock two is slightly longer today. The pic is sad; the yarn is much pinker, more orange and brighter in person. They're actually brighter than my trekking socks.

The picots I showed you just before my vacation were completed in SC and have been worn frequently since I've been back in the cold weather. They just look so good with my brown cords and olive clogs.

In other knitting news, I finished, really and truly, Hubby's St Andrew's Flag sweater. He loves it and wore it to work today. Next time I do a large intarsia design, I'm going to keep in mind how the fabric curves around the body. The design is poorly placed. I've been thinking of doing a different version in a heavier gauge yarn for B or Hubby's Scottish grandfather.

What a crazy week. Tuesday was the worst. We had our parent-teacher conference, had our taxes done, and had B's four-year old physical (and I had to go back to the doctor because daycare had given us two copies of the same form instead of one copy of each). Poor B is a trooper, three vaccinations and a TB PPD test and he barely whimpered. He was a cranky mess at bedtime (no nap, lots of pokes).

The talk with his teacher was fine. Her main concerns were about his attention (doesn't answer questions appropriately and would rather watch other kids do their tasks than do them himself) and verbal skills (ie, he's not always intelligible and he talks more loudly than the other kids). Fortunately, basic hearing assesment was performed at the doctor's and he hears just fine. We think he's loud because Hubby and I are (comes from being country and growing up around deaf people). We have a referral for a speech eval. Doc just said to correct him, read to him, and if we wait until he's in public school it will be free. I really don't think it's a true impediment situation. I think he's lazy and just wants to get on to the next thing. (I don't mean lazy like a sloth, I mean he's just not so particular.) I asked the doc about the attention and she figures it's a phase.

At 3' 6" dude is the biggest kid in his class at at 75% for height. He weighs 42 lbs, which I thought sounded light being a person who actually lifts him, but he's at 75-90% in weight. Doc figures he's got heavy bones because there are no rolls on him.

I forgot to mention the trip was good, but the next time we plan to spend 4 days in the car for 9-10 hours, shoot me first. I got to watch the whole first season of Heroes, but still that's just too much.

Happy Valentine's Day

Sorry, blog post title's all you're getting. I don't have pictures of hearts or flowers to share.

I do have a sweater, though. But, it's blue. It's for my sweetheart, though. Does that count?

So, I did finish the sweater in time for our Robbie Burns dinner. It hasn't been washed or blocked. Hubby likes it a lot. I hate it. It's two inches too short and I've ripped the ribbing off the back and put it back on needles to knit down 2". I don't hate it because it's short and I have to keep knitting on it. I hate it because I think I did a poor design job. Okay, I do hate it partly because it just won't end and I really want to cast on for F-i-L's birthday sweater which is much more Project Spectrum appropriate. (Not to mention F-i-L's 65th birthday is on Easter and rapidly approaching.)

In other news, I have another pair of picot socks rapidly approaching second toe and I'm itching to cast on some Red socks. Probably more picots. I'm just loving the simple socks right now. So easy for my commute. I'll post pics tomorrow.

Finally, I'm a little stressed about my kid. He's four. We just got his "three year old" progress report and he got more "working on it" grades than we're comfortable with. Especially since the teacher explicitly told Hubby we needed to have a conference. Since I've moved past my resentment at her and a society that feels pre-schoolers should be graded (call it good, working on it, and N/A, it's still a grading system). Moreso because I didn't go to Pre-K or K, I learned how to read and write in first grade and I turned out pretty well (Summa Cum Laude, Phi Beta Kappa, etc.). I've done a wee bit of reading today on developmental milestones and I'm glad we're meeting with our pediatrician the afternoon of the conference. He doesn't run well, can't jump well, doesn't do one foot things and the coloring and drawing don't seem to be on pace. I'm also slightly concerned that he's nonsequitor boy. At church last week they were talking about making a valentine for Jesus and a beat or two after the pastor asking what should go on the card, B said "P is for Pig." Cracked us all up at the time, but his teacher says he doesn't answer questions well at school. Is he too young to have assessed?