my life as a crocheter & knitter & working mom

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I am not having a good day emotionally. I’m exhausted and I’m not sure why. I went to bed at 11and don’t remember being up much. Billy slept through until 6 am. I’m on the verge of tears. I nearly made myself sick this morning thinking about how much time Billy spends at daycare every day and how little he spends with us. It just got me wondering if it’s worth working. I know it’s probably just a temporary feeling; but it’s crushing me right now. I did take my fluoxetine last night (SSRI), so it’s not the PPD. Unless my dose needs to be upped. Our house is a fricking disaster area because I never clean. I need to be productive here at work and I haven’t been focused lately. Today is not going to be any better. I just hope I can get a grip on myself before the first crisis. I do feel a bit better after distracting myself for a little while. Of course, now I feel I’ve wasted an hour when the to do list just keeps getting longer.

Maybe Mommies with PPD shouldn’t work. Staying home would require such a huge change (not that having Billy wasn’t a huge change). I don’t know if we’d be able to make those sacrifices. I guess it’s a matter of what’s more important to us.

In the good news lists: after a knittable ride in, the back of Air is finished. I didn’t feel like dealing with the picot cast-on so the left front commences this afternoon. I also cut out all the pattern pieces for my dress last night. That took a long time. I hope to get the pattern pinned to the fabric tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll work on cutting out the pieces. I’d like to get the pieces pinned together Thursday or Friday, but the messy house is looming.

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