my life as a crocheter & knitter & working mom

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Here's to the tragically unhip, uncute Mommy in all of us

I found this article through Martinimade today. Totally get where Thordora's coming from, well except for the part about tattoos. I don't love any image enough to have it on my skin. When I was younger I vascillated between wanting and not wanting kids and decided that I would regret not being a mom. Now that I am a mom, I can see why some people choose childlessness. Especially with a career and these mental health issues... But, now that I've been a mom for a while and I've been blogging for longer, can I define what kind of mom I am? I hadn't really thought about it. I don't think I fit in with the mommy blogosphere. Mainly because I work outside the home and for nearly 11 hours everyday I'm something other than mommy to most people I meet. I couldn't be a SAHM. B would chew me up and spit me out. I have neither the strength nor the stamina. Oh, I tell myself I could do it if I didn't have work and commute dragging me down, but I couldn't. I couldn't spend the whole day reading toddler books and watching the shows he loves. I'm not enough of a joiner to surround us with playgroups and earth mommies with home made bread. Not to disparage those things, but it's not me. I'm the commute to work, the Coke Zeros, e-mails, and crises, and two hours of mommying before bed. I'm three hours with my hubby after B goes to bed and before I do (when I'm not on my ass from these allergies). I'm anti-depressants, and wanting to drink too much. I'm taking the M-i-L up on the babysitting and going away without the kid. I'm not fancy suits and ambition. I'm just me. Business casual, the occasional skirt, too much Internet at work, and a constant sense of not giving anything enough, especially Hubby, but feeling that there's no me left over. I don't know what I would change, if I could. Maybe when the meds (including the new antihistamine) kick in, I won't want to change anything. Except my sex drive. I'd like to get that back some day.


CygKnit said...

I'm not a mom (yet?) but I get that what works for you, your kid and your family is the way it is. A friend of mine posted something similar recently, too.

Why are there Mommy Enforcers out there?? Makes no sense. Glad you're on the way to better meds for you, too.

karrie said...

I've been a SAHM for the past two years, and also a full-time student for part of that time. Life is kind of crazy with the addition of school, but having another way to define myself suddenly seemed crucial. I was suffocating before I realized that.

I think my son may have chewed me up and spit me out many times over! I'm probably terrible, but I steal time for myself a lot during the day, and have been known to drive past really crowded playgrounds in favor of a quieter one on mornings when I cannot handle the sandbox scene.

If its any consolation, my husband probably gets the short end of things as well. I need the silence of being alone for awhile most nights more than I need companionship. Poor guy.

Enjoy your time away!

Anonymous said...

Amen to that sista! :)

We aren't a comfortable market to show as "mommies"-many of us LIKE going to work-I love my 3 days with the girls but MAN I LOVE the first day back at work.

Both my husband and I constantly remind ourselves that our parents were NOT hovering over us each second, and we had SAHM's. So we've carved a nice piece.

Of course, getting good meds helped in my case. I hope you find the answer.