my life as a crocheter & knitter & working mom
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Here's to the tragically unhip, uncute Mommy in all of us
I found this article through Martinimade today. Totally get where Thordora's coming from, well except for the part about tattoos. I don't love any image enough to have it on my skin. When I was younger I vascillated between wanting and not wanting kids and decided that I would regret not being a mom. Now that I am a mom, I can see why some people choose childlessness. Especially with a career and these mental health issues... But, now that I've been a mom for a while and I've been blogging for longer, can I define what kind of mom I am? I hadn't really thought about it. I don't think I fit in with the mommy blogosphere. Mainly because I work outside the home and for nearly 11 hours everyday I'm something other than mommy to most people I meet. I couldn't be a SAHM. B would chew me up and spit me out. I have neither the strength nor the stamina. Oh, I tell myself I could do it if I didn't have work and commute dragging me down, but I couldn't. I couldn't spend the whole day reading toddler books and watching the shows he loves. I'm not enough of a joiner to surround us with playgroups and earth mommies with home made bread. Not to disparage those things, but it's not me. I'm the commute to work, the Coke Zeros, e-mails, and crises, and two hours of mommying before bed. I'm three hours with my hubby after B goes to bed and before I do (when I'm not on my ass from these allergies). I'm anti-depressants, and wanting to drink too much. I'm taking the M-i-L up on the babysitting and going away without the kid. I'm not fancy suits and ambition. I'm just me. Business casual, the occasional skirt, too much Internet at work, and a constant sense of not giving anything enough, especially Hubby, but feeling that there's no me left over. I don't know what I would change, if I could. Maybe when the meds (including the new antihistamine) kick in, I won't want to change anything. Except my sex drive. I'd like to get that back some day.